Woman Defined by God: Woman Thou Art Loosed

Earlier today, I was listening to a podcast by Chude Jideonwo and Ayobami Adebayo. The podcast was a discussion of Ayobami’s new book, Stay With Me, which has received amazing reviews. From what I understood from the podcast, the book sort of explores an aspect of what being a woman is in the context of Nigerian culture. Although I haven’t read the book, I could tell that it was filled with “pain of womanhood” and the disappointment of not meeting expectations of people. I do not use the term, "pain of womanhood" loosely because this is something that is felt by most women when their reality is different from what society expects of them. In the book (again disclaimer- this is what I gathered from the podcast) some lady

did not have a child as soon as she was expected to after her wedding and she was ‘shown pepper’ for it.

Throwback to last Sunday. I was having a light-hearted discussion with my very good friend and Lupita Nyongo’o came up. I think Lupita is one of the most beautiful beings on earth and this does not come solely from her appearance. She is graceful, poised, etc… At the risk of revealing too much, in the course of the conversation, the subject of Lupita’s bosom came up. My friend was quite disappointed to discover, with the help of Google images, that the producers of Queen of Katwe had played around with the true size of her breasts. They appeared larger than they actually are in reality and suddenly, to my friend, Lupita appeared to be less of a woman.  

Earlier today, while listening to the podcast, one phrase kept on going through my mind- “woman thou art loosed”. This phrase was being replayed in mind in the very dramatic voice of the Bishop T.D. Jakes. While this phrase is not a new one to me (I own a copy of the Woman thou art loosed! Bible), the Holy Spirit took me back to when I bought that Bible and the circumstances surrounding it. At that point in my life, I had been very thoroughly heartbroken. Heartbroken with no apologies. In fact, it was dramatic. I thought the world was upside down for a while. I did not understand the point of the world. I was in pain and I needed something to hold onto. Asides from the fact that I loved this man that broke my heart, my heartbreak also came from other things. I was just completing my Masters program so obviously the next step was law school and then marriage or marriage and then life after marriage. However this came about was not really my business. All I cared about is that it happened. This break-up meant that everything came tumbling down. My hopes of finally conforming to something that was expected of me slipped through my fingers. I did not want the drama of being told that maybe I’m too picky and that’s why I’m not married at a certain age. I just wanted to be like everybody else and do what was expected. 

Anyway, the Holy Spirit brought all these to my memory.  What do they have in common? One fictional character, one comment that Lupita may never get to know about and my own personal experience… Not much to be honest. But what it does tell me is that society’s definition of what a woman is leaves little or no room for the joy that comes from being relaxed in your own body and just enjoying who God has called you to be as a woman. Is it possible to not have a child immediately after one’s wedding and not have the whole world turn against you and make you feel like a failure? Absolutely. Does God see Lupita and delight in the body that He gave her? Does he look at her and think that because He made her a woman, her body is definitely a woman’s? Of course, He does! Was God happy four years ago when I just wanted marriage to happen so that I could breathe a sigh of relief and avoid hurtful statements in future? No, He was not. He created me for so much more than to conform to what other people expect of me without taking into account what He has destined me for.

I have felt a leading to do a series on identity and I have stalled for weeks because I did not know where exactly to begin. Today I felt a holy restlessness. I have found myself declaring over and over again who I am in Christ. 

I love being a woman and I am by no means condemning all that society demands from or makes a woman out to be. Some of them actually align with God’s word. But do you know what I love most about being a woman? It is the fact that the God who cannot lie or make mistakes made me a woman.

For the next few weeks, I will be exploring what God thinks about women, what He had in mind when He made us, what He wants for us..,etc. I know this series will bless me and I pray it blesses you too.