A Jealous Lover

“You shall not make for yourself an idol, or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water under the earth. You shall not worship them or serve them; for I, the Lord your God am a jealous God” Exodus 20:5

Growing up in a Christian home, I have always known God to be a jealous God. The verse above was a very popular one in my Children’s Sunday School class. I also always knew that we were not allowed to be jealous. Galatians 5:26 tells us that we should not provoke or be envious of each other. I could not reconcile the two verses; why was God allowed to be jealous and I was not? It was clearly a double standard. The only explanation offered was that God makes the rules and He is allowed to be jealous if he wants to; it's a holy jealousy not the basic human jealousy.

This explanation was not at all satisfactory. For years I was still puzzled by this “double standard”. Verses like Matthew 5:48 that command us to “be perfect as Your Heavenly Father is perfect” only added to my confusion. How can God be perfect when He can get jealous AND tell us not to be covetous? I would roll my eyes internally (in my mind) whenever I thought about the contradiction. I just did not get it. It got to a point where I decided to “surrender to the Lordship and sovereignty of God” on this matter. I would pray and say, “Father, you may be a jealous God but to be honest you’re God and I cannot even argue with that. We are not mates.” I never actually asked God what He meant by the verse; I was afraid that if I understood what it meant, He would not be my perfect God anymore. How can a perfect God be something so basic and human as jealous?

One morning I was driving and meditating as I do (because Joshua 1:8 is a shortcut to good success) and God asked me, “Adim, are you jealous for me?”. I did not understand this question and I was a bit surprised and impatient at that moment; God had interrupted my meditation (talk about contradictions). I think I had been saying prayers under my breath at that point and thinking on this question seemed like a diversion. Anyway, He asked again and I could not ignore the question. I asked Him what He meant and He explained, “You ask me for a lot of things and at the top of the list lately is your request for a man that loves you. Will you stick by me when I give you these things; when that man comes along? Will I still be your whole world? Do you guard our relationship jealously or are you just waiting for something to focus on while you take your eyes off of me?” Just like that, He opened my mind to what He was asking and I understood. Finally.

I was in a very good place with God at the time. Sort of like a spiritual honeymoon. Very God-conscious in a good way. Everything around me reminded me of God. “The earth is Lord’s and the fullness thereof” was my mantra. It had not always been like that though. There had been times in the past that I had become occupied with other things and people and had neglected my relationship with God. Not because I did not know who He was to me but I just took Him for granted. I took His steadfastness and commitment for granted. I would hold onto verses like Hebrews 13:5 where He declares “I will never leave you nor forsake you”, and convince myself that it was not a big deal to “play the field” for some time and return to Him when I needed Him or when all other things seemed to have failed me. It was inevitable that these others things failed me over and over again but I would literally play hide and seek in my mind.

That morning, God brought all these things to mind (while I was still driving, yes). In revealing my heart to me, He showed me His own heart. I needed Him in my life, not as a God afar that I barely acknowledge but as a part of every thought that crosses my mind and every decision that I take. In fact, I am most satisfied and joyful when I am actively in relationship with Him. I thought of Exodus 20:5 and realisation dawned on me. We have all we need in God and He knows it. He also knows that we, with our very human heart, can be fickle. He never has and never will put anything before us. John 3:16 confirms this truth. He guards His relationship with us jealously. Jesus Christ literally died to guard our relationship with Him.

God knows that lasting joy and satisfaction cannot be found in anything or anyone that is not Him. In Ezekiel 16: 38-40, He says to Israel, "I will judge you as women who break wedlock and shed blood are judged, and bring upon you the blood of wrath and jealousy. And I will give you into the hand of your lovers and they shall throw down your vaulted chamber and break down your lofty places. They shall strip you of your clothes and take your fair jewels, and leave you naked and bare. They shall bring up a host against you and cut you to pieces with swords."  Fixing our eyes on anything else will only leave us naked and bare and filled with shame.


I would like to say that since that morning, I have consistently put God first in all my thoughts and actions but that would be a lie. What I can say is that when I catch myself playing hide and seek with God in my mind, I ask God for the strength to keep my eyes fixed on Him and to remind me as He did that morning that I am whole when He is my whole world.